Me: "So I was shopping for the Montana trip and I found this really cool spray on bandage stuff." She: "It's the next logical step after liquid bandages." Me: "Exactly. You spray it on and it wears off in a couple of days. No fuss, no muss." She: "We've come a long way from staples."
She: "...I even deleted him from my cell phone." Me: "Wow, did you really? What if he calls? How are you going to screen?" She B: "Wait. You're not telling me you still have He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named programmed on *your* cell phone?" Me: "Yeah..." She: "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?" She B: "Voldemort. She was dating Harry Potter's arch nemesis." She:
She: "Johnny shuffled this mortal coil today." Me: "Which one? Ritter or Cash?" She: "John-ny. Not John." Me: "Or John Paul? According to CNN, he looks like he's on the verge." She: "John, Johnny, Johniest." Me: "It's a bad day for Johns." She: "Yes, it is."
She: "I was on hold with the insurance company yesterday and they were playing Christmas music!" Me: "Here comes Santa Claus...he's a long way off, but here he comes." She: "Actually, they were playing the Halleluiah Chorus." Me: "I suppose, technically, that is classical music, but still..." She: "It's seasonal!" Me: "Right. They should be
She: "Do you...have a nose hair problem?" Me: "No, I don't think so...but I suddenly feel compelled to check." She: "I know. I hate this show for making me think of nose hair." Me (patting the affected region): "Nothin' bristling out that I can tell." She: "Are you sure? They could be slicked back." Me:
She: "Eating at your desk, I see. Do you have a minute?" Me: "Sure! I'd love to hear about your weekend. How was the trip?" She: "Well, I had the grossest experience on the way home from the airport. This cabbie was blowing air hankies all the way home and holding his hand out the
He: "Hey...do you hear whistling?" Me: "Yes. It's been going on for a while. I can't tell where it's coming from." He (looking around): "Oh, it's those guys up there." Me: "Where? Oh...the Cook County Jailhouse. Figures." He: "Yeah, they're whistling at you." Me: "I wouldn't be so sure. You may be their type." He:
She: "So how are you? Are you feeling better about...things?" Me: "Yes, I've discovered therapy." She: "Really?" Me: "Yes, the Visa therapy program -- never leave home without it!" She: "How's that working for you?" Me: "Great! Visa has been really good to me...bought me clothes, outfitted me for my trip...heck, Visa even sprung for
She: "So what's all this funny text?" Me: "It's called Lorem Ipsum." She: "Huh. It cracks me up everytime I see it." Me: "It's not supposed to. It's from Cicero's treatise on the theory of ethics." She: "Oh, I thought it was Latin." Me: "...It is. It's meant to be placeholder text." She: "You guys
Me: "I love my new Red Elvises album, I must share." She: "Burn or rip?" Me: "I can't burn because I upgraded my OS to accommodate my iPod, but I can bring the CD so you can burn because you know I've ripped." She: "...I can't believe we're having this conversation." Me: "5 years ago,
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