The Issue with Cukes
He: "It's a Japanese cucumber." Security Guard: "Yes, I can see that." He: "Well, what's the problem?" Security Guard: "It could be used as a weapon." He: "What?" Security Guard: "You could bludgeon someone with it." He: "Well, break it in half! I plan on eating it anyway." Security Guard:
News
VP: "I have some upsetting news." Me: "Yes?" VP: "I have to cancel the Intranet merger meeting next week." Me: "And why would I be upset?" VP: "Are you kidding? We've only been trying to schedule this thing for months!" Me: "Yeah, but it's not my project." VP: "Oh. So
On Physical Therapy…
Physical Therapist to My PT: "I bet you twenty dollars I can get my patient's shoulder to go back quicker than your patient's." My PT: "No, no, no. That doesn't sound like a good idea." Me: "Take that bet!" My PT: "What?! I'm shocked to hear you say that. Your
Puttin’ the Whammy On
Me: "We can't do it on Sunday. I'm going to the Cubs game." She: "Oh, then it's no problem. The game will rain out on Sunday." Me: "Don't say that." She: "It's supposed to start tonight and rain, rain, rain all weekend long. You won't be going to a game."
Higher Powers
He: "I still can't get into the system. I thought maybe you could do something?" Me: "No, you need to talk to Bud." He: "Bud Selig? The baseball commissioner?" Me: "No, Bud the project coordinator. Why did you think Bud Selig could fix your access issues? That's clearly a Martha
2:30 AM
This morning I was woken out of a dead sleep by the most obnoxious, deafening fire alarm in existence and was forced to finally answer that question we all ask ourselves from time to time: What would you grab? The answer was my jogging bra, good socks and sneakers. I
