Me: "Oh, look! They have a viagra roll." He: "They don't!" Me: "Sure, see...right there." He: "Huh..." Me: "I won't think any less of you if you order it." He: "I'm not ordering a viagra roll." Me: "You want one. I know you do. It's a delicious combination of salmon, taki, squid and...the secret sauce..."
He: "...So my last name's a Scottish compaint about British heritage. By the way...what's your last name?" Me: "Green" He: "No e? Just the color?" Me: "No, not just the color. It's a particular shade of green." He: "Wait, you have a shade?" Me: "Oh, there's nothing official, but I do have one in mind
Or so Dave's Web of Lies would have you believe. Go test yourself against such whoppers as this: The French Ministry of Culture has projected that 87 per cent of all French post-modernists will have deconstructed themselves by 2008. The Prince of Wales intends to announce that he is abandoning his water-coloring hobby so that
"He looks like a bronze statute. I wonder how many times they had to dip him." "In bronze?" "Self-tanner. Looks like they used a vat of the stuff. I bet they held him by the ankle and lowered him in." "And does that make Brad invulnerable to bad movie reviews?" "Probably. Look what it did
He: "Didya see that? It was huge!" Me: "What, the wildlife?" He: "That rat was THIS big! Ah, man..." Me (looking): "I dunno, he's not so big. I think you could take him in a fair fight." He (shuddering): "You ever have critters in your place? Ah, man...I couldn't do it." Me: "Nah. They don't
Me: "So I read today about this lady in New York who got Chris Rock's old cellphone number. She apparently got some very, VERY interesting phone calls." She: "Why can't anything like that ever happen to me!" She B: "Excuse me? This from the woman with a Tribune by-line!" Me: "This from the woman who
She: "Yes, she got some very good news. We've got to celebrate. 'Bye!" G (over-hearing): "Excuse me, but I'm going to butt in. What's your good news? If you don't say, I'm telling everyone you're pregnant." Me: "I found out about grad school. I got in!" G: "That's great! Congratulations!" Me (walking away): "Yeah, strange
She: "Congratulations! I knew you'd get in!" Me: "Thanks! I did the SQUeeeeeeeee dance when I found out." She: "Wait. There's a SQUeeeeeeeee dance?" Me: "Oh sure." She: "Can you show me what it looks like." Me: "No, I'm afraid not. You see, it's a highly situational thing. I can't do it unless I'm having
I've been accepted at Northwestern University. I will begin work on my Master's degree in Learning and Organizational Change at the end of the month! The stress of uncertainty has officially been replaced by the stress of going to school and working full time. This will be fun!
She: "Everytime I watch it, I always ooooooooh and ahhhhhh over something. I even squeal with delight." She B: "Thus leading her neighbors to question whether it's live or memorex." Me: "I don't know about her neighbors, but mine would be happy for me either way." She: "You live in a very progressive building." Me:
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