zesmerelda

He: "Excuse me, but you're in the wrong bathroom." Me: "No, I'm not." He: "Yes, you are." Me (pointing at the tampon machine): "No. I'm not." He: "...oh, oh! Excuse me..."

She: "What kind of lipgloss is that?" She B: "It's called Make Out. What are you wearing?" She: "Diva." She B: "Of course." Me: "Golly, I feel under-glossed wearing this huckleberry lip balm." She B: "But didn't huckleberry lip balm once save your life?" Me: "Yes, yes it did." She: "You could combine glosses. Add

She: "How much do I owe you for the ticket? Or is this a date?" He: "It could be a date. You don't owe me for the ticket." Me: "No, no, no! If it's a date, then I'm a third wheel. If she pays, then it's an outing." She: "Wench! You're gonna cost me fifteen

She: "Be careful! There are bumps around here and I don't want to tip over." Me: "If you do, make a snow angel. There's some nice, virgin snow on the right. Fall that way." She: "Great! That'll make it easier for the paramedics to find me." Me: "I'll tell them you're the body with the

SVP: "So, ummmm, you, ummmm, have a classics background?" Me: "No, I have a degree in economics. Why?" SVP: "The, uhhhh, web page you showed was, uhhhhh, in Latin." Me: "Yes, I used Lorem Ipsum. It's commonly used as placeholder text in design." SVP: "Oh, oh. So you, ummm, don't read Latin." Me: "No, sorry."

Me: "Oh, before I forget, the consultant is making us breakfast on Monday." She: "She's making it herself? Uh-oh." Me: "Making it...buying it and bringing it in...I'm not sure. Why?" She: "..." Me: "What? Spit it out." She: "Are you sure she's not going to poison us?" Me: "Why would she do that? She wouldn't

She: "Everyone up there is incompetent!" (points to the ceiling) Me: "How far up are you pointing?" She: "To the 9th floor." Me: "Oh, I wasn't sure if you were pointing past the roof and including the Almighty in your ranting." She: "Well, now that you mention it..."

Me: "So, there really is a Winnebago, IL?" She: "Yeah, we drove through it, why?" Me: "It's just that I thought the sign for the Winnebago Clinic was for R.V. owners. I thought it was kinda cool that people drove their R.V.'s up to get serviced." She: "No, that was an actual clinic for sick

She: "I have a strange favor to ask of you." Me: "Ummm, okay. Shoot." She: "Would you measure my earlobes?" Me: "I've been waiting all day for someone to ask. I feel I'm eminently qualified." She B: "Is that because you're a lobist?" Me: "That's me. El Loboist."

He: "She thinks we balance each other out." Me: "Do we?" He: "Well, if there's a solution that we both agree on, then you know it's a damn fine solution." Me: "Yeah, but when was the last time we agreed on anything?" He: "Good point. I'll tell her the master plan is flawed."