-ist Me: "So I hear they have a cafe at American Girl Place." She: "You didn't know that?" Me: "No, I haven't been into the scene. My boss went, and tells me that they have special seats for the American Girl dollies and serve them dolly portions of whatever you're having." She: "Ah, and do
Inner Whoshewhatsit Yesterday Pirate Alice unveiled the secret her pyschic had urged her to sit on: she's cursed with a demon/spirit that's holding her back and preventing her from having a groovy relationship with guys. She's named this demon Dave, and has been on a quest to reform him since the program proscribed by the
Audience Participation Me: "Since you're constantly journaling, I'm surprised you haven't tried running a blog." He: "I don't know. It seems a awful lot like masturbation to me." Me: "Yes, but it's masturbation with an audience." He: "..." Me: "Guess you're not bent that way." He: "No, I need the virtual curtains to be closed."
Prevarication I'm having issues with my drill. It won't, for some odd reason, allow me to put a hole into the wall next to my bathroom door, which I need in order to anchor my towel bar. The other hole drilled in quite nicely, but this one stopped just short of required depth. I don't
Can't keep a good man down She: "I know you didn't mean to bring back the Ghost of Christmas Past." Me: "I meant for him to stay locked in the closet. Guess I'll have to bury hatchet between his eyes. Can't have him wandering around." She: "You're a woman with issues." Me: "I have no
Inner Heroine She: "So does she have a name?" Me: "You mean my avatar? The one that slays dragons, triumphs over Corporate America and still has a perfect manicure?" She: "Yeah. Mine is called Adrianna." Me: "Teá " She: "Like Teá Leone?" Me: "Yeah, except more heroine than comedienne."
State of Mind She: "We each have our own private Idaho." Me: "Not me, I'm done with that state. I have my own private Wyoming, now." She: "Really? I'm working on my own private Vermont." Me: "Vermont seems a little small to hold your troubles. Texas?" She: "Dubbya's using it."
Going in Circles Me: "Want any souveniors from home?" She: "Bring me back a crop circle." Me: "The ones made in soybean fields aren't as impressive as the corn ones. They're made by shorter aliens." She: "You can judge the size of the invading alien horde by the height of the crop they deface?" Me:
Function Me: "What's wrong?" She: "I need to remember to breathe." Me: "I hate it when my autonomic system rebels." She: "I'm at the mercy of my body." Me: "Me, too. I had a battle regarding peristaltic functions a while ago." She: "And?" Me: "They joined forces with Brownian Motion, and nearly did me in."
Ephemera She: "And may I have the reason you are closing the account today?" Me: "It's a joint account." She: "..." Me: "We're no longer joint." She: "Oh, I see. Let me just close that out for you."
