Me: "If I have to hear one more time how Ben Affleck is sexy, I think I'll backhand someone." She: "No kidding, he's about as sexy as day-old carp." Me: "I was going to say cardboard, but then I realized that was unfair to cardboard." She: "And it's fair to carp?" Me: "Depends on how
I can't decide which is more amusing...the fact that I won a medal for the race I ran a few weekends ago (I spent more time goading small children than actually running), or the letter that tells me about it (see below). Doesn't matter. I feel, like, a, winner. Dear, Race Participant This is your
Me: "Carbon is just another word for diamonds, you know." She: "Hey, we're carbon." Me: "True." She: "Does that mean we're pre-diamonds?" Me: "I guess so. We would have to go through a diamondization process -- applying pressure and so forth. I image it would be like trying to fit into size 2 jeans." She:
She: "I dislike being the inspiring one all the time." Me: "How so?" She: "It happens when you're in a wheelchair. People feel the need to come up to you and talk about how you're the wind beneath their wings. It's hard. I don't have a good answer for that." Me: "Simple enough. You correct
Me: "Do freak treadmill accidents count as OSHA reportable safety incidents?" He: "Why? Did you break our run?" Me: "It was only 18 days." He: "Yeah, well, you didn't break the 100 day streak. There would've been trouble if you'd been the one to do that." Me: "If this turns out to be an OSHA
She: "Look over there...I spy the president and at least two senior VP's." Me: "What? In our cafeteria?" She: "Don't you remember? The dining room is under construction." Me: "I don't want to see them eat. I'm uncomfortable with managerial mastication." She: "Wow...I didn't know they could chew." Me: "I heard they don't have time
He to She: "That's why you're a great manager." Me: "She is a great manager, but on my own behalf, I have to say I gave some great peformance reviews today." He: "Oh yeah?" Me: "You remember those Herbal Essences commerical where the girls are tossing their heads in the ecstasy of shampooing?" He: "Yeah..."
Mary: "What's wrong?" Me: "The copy machine won't copy. It just sits there and hums at me." Mary: "Ooops. Guess we forgot to feed it sangria last night." Me: "Dammit, Mary! Never forget the sangria!"
Me: "So, is there anything you'd like me to bring you when I go home?" She: "A mountain man." Me: "You mean a Paul Bunyon type?" She: "No facial hair." Me: "More like Monte Python?" She: "No." Me: "More effeminate than Monte Python?" She: "No! I don't want a lumberjack!" Me: "What then?" She: "I
She: "So what did you think of my post?" Me: "I enjoyed the Kevorkian death mantle bit. Hey...do you think I can get one of those to wear for Halloween?" She: "Why not? And a get out of jail free card, too."
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