She: “So I’m going to this wine and cheese party on Saturday.”
Me: “That’s rather unfortunate considering you’re abstaining from alcohol.”
She: “Yes it is. I thought I’d take grape juice or whatever and drink what I wanted while they were having wine.”
Me: “Why stop there?”
She: “What do you mean?”
Me: “Why not bring your own cheese, too? I suggest Kraft American singles.”
She: “Wha-at? No, I can’t do that!”
Me: “Sure you can — just play it straight. Bring in your slices for the host and offer to arrange them in a nice fan pattern. Offer sage comments on how Kraft singles bring out the subtle undertones of the grape juice.”
She: “But my friends know I’m a cheese snob! I’d never get away with it.”
Me: “In that case, take Cheese Whiz…up the kitch factor as high as it’ll go.”
She: “I could offer to squirt Cheese Whiz onto crackers, or just eat it straigt from the can. Yeah, this has possibilities.”
Me: “Now you’re being silly.”
