Queer Eye for the Nose Hair
She: "Do you...have a nose hair problem?" Me: "No, I don't think so...but I suddenly feel compelled to check." She: "I know. I hate this show for making me think of nose hair." Me (patting the affected region): "Nothin' bristling out that I can tell." She: "Are you sure? They
Timing
She: "Eating at your desk, I see. Do you have a minute?" Me: "Sure! I'd love to hear about your weekend. How was the trip?" She: "Well, I had the grossest experience on the way home from the airport. This cabbie was blowing air hankies all the way home and
Admiration
He: "Hey...do you hear whistling?" Me: "Yes. It's been going on for a while. I can't tell where it's coming from." He (looking around): "Oh, it's those guys up there." Me: "Where? Oh...the Cook County Jailhouse. Figures." He: "Yeah, they're whistling at you." Me: "I wouldn't be so sure. You
Visa Moment
She: "So how are you? Are you feeling better about...things?" Me: "Yes, I've discovered therapy." She: "Really?" Me: "Yes, the Visa therapy program -- never leave home without it!" She: "How's that working for you?" Me: "Great! Visa has been really good to me...bought me clothes, outfitted me for my
Ipsum Whatsum
She: "So what's all this funny text?" Me: "It's called Lorem Ipsum." She: "Huh. It cracks me up everytime I see it." Me: "It's not supposed to. It's from Cicero's treatise on the theory of ethics." She: "Oh, I thought it was Latin." Me: "...It is. It's meant to be
Emergence
Me: "I love my new Red Elvises album, I must share." She: "Burn or rip?" Me: "I can't burn because I upgraded my OS to accommodate my iPod, but I can bring the CD so you can burn because you know I've ripped." She: "...I can't believe we're having this
