Because you can’t trust anything you read…
Or so Dave's Web of Lies would have you believe. Go test yourself against such whoppers as this: The French Ministry of Culture has projected that 87 per cent of all French post-modernists will have deconstructed themselves by 2008. The Prince of Wales intends to announce that he is abandoning
Bronzed.
"He looks like a bronze statute. I wonder how many times they had to dip him." "In bronze?" "Self-tanner. Looks like they used a vat of the stuff. I bet they held him by the ankle and lowered him in." "And does that make Brad invulnerable to bad movie reviews?"
Rats! Rats in the subway!
He: "Didya see that? It was huge!" Me: "What, the wildlife?" He: "That rat was THIS big! Ah, man..." Me (looking): "I dunno, he's not so big. I think you could take him in a fair fight." He (shuddering): "You ever have critters in your place? Ah, man...I couldn't do
Excitement
Me: "So I read today about this lady in New York who got Chris Rock's old cellphone number. She apparently got some very, VERY interesting phone calls." She: "Why can't anything like that ever happen to me!" She B: "Excuse me? This from the woman with a Tribune by-line!" Me:
Rumors…
She: "Yes, she got some very good news. We've got to celebrate. 'Bye!" G (over-hearing): "Excuse me, but I'm going to butt in. What's your good news? If you don't say, I'm telling everyone you're pregnant." Me: "I found out about grad school. I got in!" G: "That's great! Congratulations!"
SQUeeeeeeeee!
She: "Congratulations! I knew you'd get in!" Me: "Thanks! I did the SQUeeeeeeeee dance when I found out." She: "Wait. There's a SQUeeeeeeeee dance?" Me: "Oh sure." She: "Can you show me what it looks like." Me: "No, I'm afraid not. You see, it's a highly situational thing. I can't
