She: "I feel sorry for plastic." Me: "Huh? Why?" She: "People don't appreciate plastic. Plastic is wonderful." Me: "Guess I never really thought about it." She: "Starting tomorrow, I think you should take the time to appreciate everything plastic in your life." Me: "That'll be hard. I mean, I have a wooden toothbrush." She: "Really?"
Vendor (with tasty British accent): "Hello, I'm Rob with *mumble, mumble*. I need to talk to you about document storage." Me (with fakey British accent): "Would that be paper, electronic, or other?" Vendor: "Paper. Would you be the correct person to talk to?" Me: "No, I would not. I'm a web person. Truly." Vendor: "Truly,
Me: "I got you the print-outs you wanted, picked up the dry cleaning and the other whoshewhatsis." He: "Wow. That's pretty rare, getting a whoshewhatsis." Me: "Treasure it. I don't think I can find another one." He: "What about a whatchamacallit?" Me: "Now you're abusing my generosity."
"When the stress, caffienne and endorphins flee my body in protest over the abuse that I've inflicted and I collapse into a puddle in my cubicle, would you pour me into a nice glass and set me on a window sill until I reform?"
Me: "I'm going to kill them. Killllll.....!" He: "Not me, I prefer to maim. It lasts longer." Me: "That's what stains are for - to make it last."
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