Legacy

Arts & ... Me: "You're a crafty one." She: "That's me. Give me a bag of popsicle sticks and I can build a nuclear weapon."

Symbiosis? Me: "I guess we just didn't click the way I thought we would." She: "You mean you clacked...no, I mean clashed." Me: "No, you had it right the first time. We clacked."

Clock. Wise. Me: "If you get drunk, and the room starts spinning, does it spin counter-clockwise if you're on the other side of the equator?" She: "What?" Me: "You know, like toliet water. It spins the other way when you're in Brazil." She: "The more important question is, if you're ON the equator, in the

Nobody's Cookie He: "Are you my little snickerdoodle?" Me: "Hell, no! I've seen what you do to snickerdoodles." He: "..." Me: "Think of me as day-old bread."

Priceless? She: "Have you ever paid for sex?" Me: "Honey, I feel like I've always paid for sex." She: "Sorry, I meant outside of maintaining a boyfriend." Me: "And I want a refund! Do gigalos take master card?" She: "Why?" Me: "I want the option of disputing the charges."

Movie Review She: "Have you seen the new Spiderman film, yet?" Me: "I saw it over the weekend." She: "And?" Me: "It was pretty good. The sticky floor added a sense of verisimilitude." She: "Ewww." Me: "It would've been fine if they'd stopped there, but they made the arm rests sticky, too." She: "EWWW!"

Collusion Me: "I think I'm going to resist your wares, today." ShopKeep: "No, we didn't agree to that." Me: "Agree? Is this a mutual decision?" ShopKeep: "Absolutely." Me: "Well, it's a good thing these are on-sale." ShopKeep: "It's a good decision we've made."

Me: "What's wrong?" Lil She: "It won't come off!" Me: "It won't come off? Your skin supposed to stay attached." Lil She: "No!!! The red won't come off." Me: "You're not scrubbing hard enough. Guess you'll have to stay red." Lil She: "No!!! Make it come off!" Me: "Sorry, kid."

Flighty He: "I killed two birds and brushed my teeth while I was up." Me: "Doesn't that stain the bristles?" He: "No, you use the other end of the toothbrush."

Weighty Topics She: "I had a meeting with the Grand High Poo-bah today." Me: "How is Grand High doing? Has he lost any weight?" She: "Nope, he still had plenty to throw around."