Drive-Through BK Employee: "Here's your children's meals." Me: "We didn't order children's meals. Our invisible children aren't hungry." She: "We ordered two large dinners." Drive-Through BK Employee: "Did you already pay?" She: "Yes! $8.52" Drive-Through BK Employee: "Oh....okay, you owe me $9.09. Let's see...that's seventeen cents." Me: "No. It's not." Drive-Through BK Employee: "..." Drive-Through
She: "I'm not feeling very social today." Me: "You're not feeling social? I'm misanthropic." She: "Always going one better than me!" Me: "Are you talking to me? Why are you talking to me?" She: "Get out of my car." Me: "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to stop looking in my general direction." She:
She: "I was caught reading Nora Roberts on the bus, and I remembered the saying about only having books that you would be proud of reading. You know, in case you died or something." Me: "It's like your mom telling you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident." She: "I do that."
Me: "Hey, nice tie." He: "Thanks, I got it at Sax." Me: "Nice." He: "You know I meant Sax Rack, right? I can't afford the real Sax." Me: "It's cool. When people ask about these pants? I say Ann Taylor and leave off the Loft. Let'em figure it out."
He: "Did you have a good time?" Me: "Yeah, though I had a case of the spins one night." He: "Which way did you go, clockwise or counter-clockwise?" Me: "On this side the equator it's clockwise. You have to get blasted in Brazil to go the other way." He: "Really?" Me: "Oh, sure. It works
She: "Any good comments on the cafeteria boards?" Me: "People take their food too personally." She: "How do you mean?" Me: "It's hard to explain. It's like the presence of broccoli is offensive to them or something." She: "Well I can understand that, given what broccoli has done to me in the past." Me: "Thank
Me: "I think I'll jettison all this identity theft anxiety." She: "How?" Me: "I'll post all my personal financial information to DTLI? and hold a contest to see who could ruin my credit rating first." She: "Really? Sort of skipping the middle-man and putting the power in the hands of everyday working thieves?" Me: "Exactly!
I'm in favor of generating language -- it's almost as much fun as pronouncing words backwards. I certainly prefer it to Pig Latin. However, when presenters make a conscious decision to introduce wordplay as real terms, then it makes for a long, deadly and dull conference. Or rather, it longed, deadlied and dullished the conference.
She: "Don't you look nice in your crisp white jacket!" Me: "Thanks. Want to have lunch?" She: "Sure, I hear they're serving spaghetti and meatballs." Me: "Really? Maybe I could get a glass of grape juice, too." She: "That would be just the thing! Here, I have a leaky pen -- you could write out
Dentist: "Anesthesia?" Me: "Why do you pose that as a question? It should be a foregone conclusion." Dentist: "C'mon, I've only got a little drilling to do. It won't be bad." Me: "Uh, huh." Dentist: "I'm not a sadist." Me: "..." Dentist: "I'm not!" Me: "Okay, okay...so how does this work, you have a safe
