(whispering) Me: This church is beautiful! I love the painting on the walls... It's so spiritual. She: Yes, they even list the virtues up there. Me: I'm so glad we aren't sitting over there... right under "chastity." She: They need a "houchie mama" section. Guaranteed it would be jam-packed and the "chastity" section would be
Me: "Did you pick up enough free samples of deodorant?" He: "Yep. I've got enough to last a year." Me: "What about the Rogaine samples? Did you pick up enough of those?" He: "I don't believe in handling something that pregnant mothers can't use. That weirds me out." Me: "What? The possibility of what it
Me: "I may kill someone before the week is out." She: "Are you selling tickets?" Me: "Nah, first come, first served." She: "I meant are you selling tickets to watch?" Me: "Oh, oh! I hadn't even thought about the revenue generating aspect. I don't think so...I don't want a business plan to interfere with my
She: "Should I be honest with job candidates and watch them run away, or lie and possibly get someone good?" Me: "There are pluses and minuses to both. Eventually, you realize, you'll have to come clean and level with the job candidate." She: "True, but not right away." Me: "Okay. You could offer them a
I walked up the Michigan Avenue bridge, bouncing and happy because I'd just given a dollar to someone who obviously needed it. I was filled with good karma--it was shining through my eyes, and maybe I was a little bouncy from listening to Fatboy Slim on my MP3 player, too. Anyway, in the middle of
Me: "So I was shopping for the Montana trip and I found this really cool spray on bandage stuff." She: "It's the next logical step after liquid bandages." Me: "Exactly. You spray it on and it wears off in a couple of days. No fuss, no muss." She: "We've come a long way from staples."
She: "...I even deleted him from my cell phone." Me: "Wow, did you really? What if he calls? How are you going to screen?" She B: "Wait. You're not telling me you still have He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named programmed on *your* cell phone?" Me: "Yeah..." She: "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named?" She B: "Voldemort. She was dating Harry Potter's arch nemesis." She:
She: "Johnny shuffled this mortal coil today." Me: "Which one? Ritter or Cash?" She: "John-ny. Not John." Me: "Or John Paul? According to CNN, he looks like he's on the verge." She: "John, Johnny, Johniest." Me: "It's a bad day for Johns." She: "Yes, it is."
She: "I was on hold with the insurance company yesterday and they were playing Christmas music!" Me: "Here comes Santa Claus...he's a long way off, but here he comes." She: "Actually, they were playing the Halleluiah Chorus." Me: "I suppose, technically, that is classical music, but still..." She: "It's seasonal!" Me: "Right. They should be
She: "Do you...have a nose hair problem?" Me: "No, I don't think so...but I suddenly feel compelled to check." She: "I know. I hate this show for making me think of nose hair." Me (patting the affected region): "Nothin' bristling out that I can tell." She: "Are you sure? They could be slicked back." Me:
