Legacy

"I finished reading Vogue today." "Uh-oh. What did you buy?" "Three pairs of fishnets. I've never worn fishnets." "That's the problem with reading those magazines. I have a copy of Allure waiting at home. I fear I'll be next." "Yes, prepare to loosen your pocketbook." I chuckled to myself and then froze in fear, remembering

I haven't posted much lately which is unusual for me. The only thing going on my life right now is I'm sick. "Stay at home and don't infect your co-workers" sick. "Stay at home because your coughs are disturbing to people around you" sick. "Dear God, stay away from my child" sick. Sick. Doctor told

Me: "Did the ceiling in your bathroom have cheetah spots?" He: "My bathroom?" Me: "Yeah, in McDonald's. Did it?" He: "Nooooooo. Did yours?" Me: "It did. Kinda freaked me out. That's something I didn't need to see this early in the morning." He: "Are you sure you weren't hallucinating?" Me: "I was not hallucinating! See,

She: "Here, we need these, too." Me: "Entenmann's Chocolate Chip Cookies? We need these? I thought you were being good." She: "I was, but we have to get them. They're Amy's favorites!" Me: "But...Amy's not going to be there!" She: "Then we'll eat them in her honor." Me: "When there's no logic, how can I

Me: "You're too young to fly on a plane by yourself." Niece: "Oh yeah? When I was a baby I flew here to see Grandma and Grandpa." Me: "And you remember that?" Niece: "Uh-huh." Me: "Then you remember the plane crash, too?" Niece: "Uh-huh!" Me: "A-ha! There was no plane crash! I caught you fibbing!"

She: "I hear you saw Hugh Jackman while you were in New York." Me: "Yeah. He did a full costume change onstage. It was divine." She B: "There was so much hootin' and hollerin' that he broke character. It was so worth it." She: "Wait a minute. A costume change? When did he do the

Me: "Let's head over to the Empire State Building." She: "..." Me: "We can get lunch at Macy's." She: "..." Me: "It's on 34th Street. Where the miracle took place." She: "...wait. Miracle? What miracle? There was a miracle?" Me: "You know, they claimed that Santa worked at Macy's." She: "...oh! Oh! You can't change

Me: "Do you want to be peaceful while we're in New York this weekend?" She: "Ummmm...sure, why?" Me: "We get discounts if we protest our politics peacefully." She: "I hadn't planned on protesting." Me: "YES, YOU DID. And now you'll get discounts for being peaceful about it." She: "Ri-ight. I'm peaceful and I want discounts

Passenger 1: "I heard they had a fire at Belmont." Passenger 2: "Nah, I think it was Diversy." Passenger 1: "Maybe. You heard about that guy that got hit yesterday?" Passenger 2: "Yeah, they found bits all over the tracks." Passenger 1: "Exactly! You know when it all started to go to hell?" Passenger 2:

He: "So you're going to New York this weekend? What's the occassion?" Me: "I'm celebrating my birthday." He: "How old are you going to be?" Me: "Old enough to know better." He: "Which is what, twelve?" Me: "Nine." He: "That's right. You mature faster in the South." Me: "No, I'm just precocious for my age."