Me: "Hey, nice tie." He: "Thanks, I got it at Sax." Me: "Nice." He: "You know I meant Sax Rack, right? I can't afford the real Sax." Me: "It's cool. When people ask about these pants? I say Ann Taylor and leave off the Loft. Let'em figure it out."
He: "Did you have a good time?" Me: "Yeah, though I had a case of the spins one night." He: "Which way did you go, clockwise or counter-clockwise?" Me: "On this side the equator it's clockwise. You have to get blasted in Brazil to go the other way." He: "Really?" Me: "Oh, sure. It works
She: "Any good comments on the cafeteria boards?" Me: "People take their food too personally." She: "How do you mean?" Me: "It's hard to explain. It's like the presence of broccoli is offensive to them or something." She: "Well I can understand that, given what broccoli has done to me in the past." Me: "Thank
Me: "I think I'll jettison all this identity theft anxiety." She: "How?" Me: "I'll post all my personal financial information to DTLI? and hold a contest to see who could ruin my credit rating first." She: "Really? Sort of skipping the middle-man and putting the power in the hands of everyday working thieves?" Me: "Exactly!
I'm in favor of generating language -- it's almost as much fun as pronouncing words backwards. I certainly prefer it to Pig Latin. However, when presenters make a conscious decision to introduce wordplay as real terms, then it makes for a long, deadly and dull conference. Or rather, it longed, deadlied and dullished the conference.
She: "Don't you look nice in your crisp white jacket!" Me: "Thanks. Want to have lunch?" She: "Sure, I hear they're serving spaghetti and meatballs." Me: "Really? Maybe I could get a glass of grape juice, too." She: "That would be just the thing! Here, I have a leaky pen -- you could write out
Dentist: "Anesthesia?" Me: "Why do you pose that as a question? It should be a foregone conclusion." Dentist: "C'mon, I've only got a little drilling to do. It won't be bad." Me: "Uh, huh." Dentist: "I'm not a sadist." Me: "..." Dentist: "I'm not!" Me: "Okay, okay...so how does this work, you have a safe
He: "Was that a derisive snort coming from you?" Me: "Hmmm, what?" He: "Were you being derisive?" Me: "About what?" He: "Me." Me: "No. You're beneath my notice." He: "Oh. Guess I'll work on that." Me: "Sorry, what did you say?" He: "Look, you have to leave me with an avenue for communication or I'll
She: "So, you're alive?" Me: "Yes. And in one piece." She: "How was it?" Me: "In light of their banter, I was left wondering how our conversations must seem to outsiders." She: "They had their own language?" Me: "Yeah, talking in short-hand and such." She: "But did they have secret hand signals?" Me: "Not that
Chirp. Chirp. "Damn it all, what does it want now? Why does it need attention now? I'm not getting out of bed, I'm not!" ...Chirp. Chirp. "Noooo...no matter how hard it cries!" ...Chirp. Chirp. "Noooooooo!" ...Chirp. Chirp. "Fine! Into the cradle with you!" ...Chirp. "*@!#!! cell phone had better learn to sleep through the night."
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