She: "Do you...have a nose hair problem?" Me: "No, I don't think so...but I suddenly feel compelled to check." She: "I know. I hate this show for making me think of nose hair." Me (patting the affected region): "Nothin' bristling out that I can tell." She: "Are you sure? They could be slicked back." Me:
She: "Eating at your desk, I see. Do you have a minute?" Me: "Sure! I'd love to hear about your weekend. How was the trip?" She: "Well, I had the grossest experience on the way home from the airport. This cabbie was blowing air hankies all the way home and holding his hand out the
He: "Hey...do you hear whistling?" Me: "Yes. It's been going on for a while. I can't tell where it's coming from." He (looking around): "Oh, it's those guys up there." Me: "Where? Oh...the Cook County Jailhouse. Figures." He: "Yeah, they're whistling at you." Me: "I wouldn't be so sure. You may be their type." He:
She: "So how are you? Are you feeling better about...things?" Me: "Yes, I've discovered therapy." She: "Really?" Me: "Yes, the Visa therapy program -- never leave home without it!" She: "How's that working for you?" Me: "Great! Visa has been really good to me...bought me clothes, outfitted me for my trip...heck, Visa even sprung for
She: "So what's all this funny text?" Me: "It's called Lorem Ipsum." She: "Huh. It cracks me up everytime I see it." Me: "It's not supposed to. It's from Cicero's treatise on the theory of ethics." She: "Oh, I thought it was Latin." Me: "...It is. It's meant to be placeholder text." She: "You guys
Me: "I love my new Red Elvises album, I must share." She: "Burn or rip?" Me: "I can't burn because I upgraded my OS to accommodate my iPod, but I can bring the CD so you can burn because you know I've ripped." She: "...I can't believe we're having this conversation." Me: "5 years ago,
She:"They're...they're...What do call those people who go to the games? Ball game people?" Me: "Ummmm...fans?" She:"Yeah, yeah! Fans! I'm losing my fuckin' mind."
She: "I wanted to smack her down. You know I've appointed myself your champion." Me: "You're my white knight?" She: "More like baby-shit yellow." Me: "I meant your aura was white." She: "Oh, oh! Yeah, you can see my white aura with a blacklight."
She: "My mother called me first thing this morning to remind me that He was watching over me." Me: "He? Alan Greenspan?" She: "No, think higher." Me: "Higher than Alan Greenspan? I'm not sure I follow you." She (intones): "For Alan is the alpha and the omega..." Me: "More like the M1 through M4."
Me: "Of course, we'll need a back up plan in case we can no longer pick your brain." She: "You mean, in case my head explodes like a ripe melon." Me: "Yes, though I have no problem with that." She: "Others can't stand the rinds and the guts...it's messy." Me: "I don't see why. I'll
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