He: "So you're going to New York this weekend? What's the occassion?" Me: "I'm celebrating my birthday." He: "How old are you going to be?" Me: "Old enough to know better." He: "Which is what, twelve?" Me: "Nine." He: "That's right. You mature faster in the South." Me: "No, I'm just precocious for my age."
Me: "Look what I've got." She: "Hey, that's money!" Me: "Twenty five dollars!" She: "Where'd you get it?" Me: "Funny you should ask. I was walking down the street and this kid goes running by me, money falling out of his pockets. I picked it up and then went running after him and shouting, 'Kid,
Me: "I learned most of my Japanese through pop-culture. You know, things like Mr. Roboto." She: "What is this Mr. Roboto?" Me: "It's a song that goes Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto..." SheB: "Wait! 'Domo arigato' means something?" Me & She: "Thank you very much." SheB: "Oh, oh! I thought they were making up words." Me:
Street Hustler: "Excuse me, but I'm from a commune in Virginia..." Me: "That's nice." Street Hustler: "Yeah, we're a group of artists..." Me: "That's nice, but I gotta go." Street Hustler: "We want to be part of a world that doesn't suck..." Me: "..." She: "No, he wants to be part of a world that
She: "Are you really watching the Olympics? I didn't realize everyone was so patriotic." She2: "Yeah, we're into it." Me: "But it's not about patriotism, really. It's just that it's one of the few, if only, global ceremonies we have." She: "I guess so..." She2: "We talked about this earlier. There's really no other thing
He: "I like your shoes. Those are really great." Me: "Thanks! Ask me how much I paid for them. Seriously." He2: "Don't do that! God, since you've been married you're so into the shoes, the clothes, the styles..." Me: "Hey, leave him alone. He dresses much better now. I, for one, appreciate all his wife
He: "My boss wanted me to let your folks know when I'd be out in case something happens." Me: "That's fine except you left one of them off the distribution list." He: "I find it's best to keep at least one employee in the dark at all times." Me: "Because faulty information enhances productivity?" He:
Me: "Okay, I'm going to lay out this plan and THEN you can poke as many holes in it as you want." Emp 1: "Yes, but I have questions about how we're going to handle..." Me: "No, no. I said I'd lay the plan out FIRST, and then you can poke." Me (to Emp 2):
DSW. The Gap. Anne Taylor. Tequila Roadhouse. I've already received birthday greetings from them all. Happy Birthday, come and shop! Happy Birthday, come and drink! Hey, Child of August, we love you for having a birthday, come and give us your money!!! My birthday isn't for another three weeks, and I'm confronted with its impending
Me: "So, what do you do for fun and excitement?" He: "You mean besides leading a life of crime?" Me: "Wait! You lead a life of crime? In my spare time, I fight crime." He: "They say opposites attract. What kind of crime do you fight?" Me: "Petty thugs...I bust litter-bugs, graffiti artists, stuff like
