Me: “If I have to hear one more time how Ben Affleck is sexy, I think I’ll backhand someone.”

She: “No kidding, he’s about as sexy as day-old carp.”

Me: “I was going to say cardboard, but then I realized that was unfair to cardboard.”

She: “And it’s fair to carp?”

Me: “Depends on how fresh it is.”

She: “Leathery from lying in the sun with one good eye still open, glistening…?”

Me: “Yeah, okay. Unfair to dead carp, too.”

She: “Sorry, I’m not fit for human consumption.”

Me: “And neither is Ben, but I much prefer your company.”