Street Hustler: "Excuse me, but I'm from a commune in Virginia..." Me: "That's nice." Street Hustler: "Yeah, we're a group of artists..." Me: "That's nice, but I gotta go." Street Hustler: "We want to be part of a world that doesn't suck..." Me: "..." She: "No, he wants to be part of a world that
She: "Are you really watching the Olympics? I didn't realize everyone was so patriotic." She2: "Yeah, we're into it." Me: "But it's not about patriotism, really. It's just that it's one of the few, if only, global ceremonies we have." She: "I guess so..." She2: "We talked about this earlier. There's really no other thing
He: "I like your shoes. Those are really great." Me: "Thanks! Ask me how much I paid for them. Seriously." He2: "Don't do that! God, since you've been married you're so into the shoes, the clothes, the styles..." Me: "Hey, leave him alone. He dresses much better now. I, for one, appreciate all his wife
He: "My boss wanted me to let your folks know when I'd be out in case something happens." Me: "That's fine except you left one of them off the distribution list." He: "I find it's best to keep at least one employee in the dark at all times." Me: "Because faulty information enhances productivity?" He:
Me: "Okay, I'm going to lay out this plan and THEN you can poke as many holes in it as you want." Emp 1: "Yes, but I have questions about how we're going to handle..." Me: "No, no. I said I'd lay the plan out FIRST, and then you can poke." Me (to Emp 2):
DSW. The Gap. Anne Taylor. Tequila Roadhouse. I've already received birthday greetings from them all. Happy Birthday, come and shop! Happy Birthday, come and drink! Hey, Child of August, we love you for having a birthday, come and give us your money!!! My birthday isn't for another three weeks, and I'm confronted with its impending
Me: "So, what do you do for fun and excitement?" He: "You mean besides leading a life of crime?" Me: "Wait! You lead a life of crime? In my spare time, I fight crime." He: "They say opposites attract. What kind of crime do you fight?" Me: "Petty thugs...I bust litter-bugs, graffiti artists, stuff like
She: "Oh, no..." Me: "What?" She: "I just remembered there's a sticker on the back of my wheelchair that says St. Peter." Me: "Why? Are you a holy roller?" She: "Ha, ha. No, it was part of an ice breaker game we were playing last night. I didn't peal it off because it's really stuck.
He had a digital camera. So did I. We looked at each other. Eyes were narrowed. Tempers flared. Somewhere a cock crowed... and at some unspoken signal, the cameras were flipped on... shots were fired. He got the drop on me, but I focused and got a better shot. I walked away from another digital
Me: "What color am I?" She: "Wuh?" Me: "Am I turning orange?" She: "No, I'd say you were a nutty, summer brown." Me: "Really? Are you sure I'm not turning orange? Look at it in better light." She: "Maybe just a tinge. Why? Are you using self-tanner?" Me: "Yeah. I'm afraid I'm sliding towards oompah-lumpah."
