Me: "I think I'll jettison all this identity theft anxiety." She: "How?" Me: "I'll post all my personal financial information to DTLI? and hold a contest to see who could ruin my credit rating first." She: "Really? Sort of skipping the middle-man and putting the power in the hands of everyday working thieves?" Me: "Exactly!
I'm in favor of generating language -- it's almost as much fun as pronouncing words backwards. I certainly prefer it to Pig Latin. However, when presenters make a conscious decision to introduce wordplay as real terms, then it makes for a long, deadly and dull conference. Or rather, it longed, deadlied and dullished the conference.
She: "Don't you look nice in your crisp white jacket!" Me: "Thanks. Want to have lunch?" She: "Sure, I hear they're serving spaghetti and meatballs." Me: "Really? Maybe I could get a glass of grape juice, too." She: "That would be just the thing! Here, I have a leaky pen -- you could write out
Dentist: "Anesthesia?" Me: "Why do you pose that as a question? It should be a foregone conclusion." Dentist: "C'mon, I've only got a little drilling to do. It won't be bad." Me: "Uh, huh." Dentist: "I'm not a sadist." Me: "..." Dentist: "I'm not!" Me: "Okay, okay...so how does this work, you have a safe
He: "Was that a derisive snort coming from you?" Me: "Hmmm, what?" He: "Were you being derisive?" Me: "About what?" He: "Me." Me: "No. You're beneath my notice." He: "Oh. Guess I'll work on that." Me: "Sorry, what did you say?" He: "Look, you have to leave me with an avenue for communication or I'll
She: "So, you're alive?" Me: "Yes. And in one piece." She: "How was it?" Me: "In light of their banter, I was left wondering how our conversations must seem to outsiders." She: "They had their own language?" Me: "Yeah, talking in short-hand and such." She: "But did they have secret hand signals?" Me: "Not that
Chirp. Chirp. "Damn it all, what does it want now? Why does it need attention now? I'm not getting out of bed, I'm not!" ...Chirp. Chirp. "Noooo...no matter how hard it cries!" ...Chirp. Chirp. "Noooooooo!" ...Chirp. Chirp. "Fine! Into the cradle with you!" ...Chirp. "*@!#!! cell phone had better learn to sleep through the night."
Boss: "I want you to build the best site in the system." Me: "Great! I've been wanting to change the way we do things. I can't wait to get started!" Boss: "Whoa! People are going to have a hard time with change. They won't go for it." Me: "Oh, we'll present best practices, do baseline
She: "Hear them going at it next door?" Me: "Yeah, let's cheer them on." She: "Don't you dare!" Me (beating in time on the wall): "Go, Bob Barker! Go, Bob Barker! The price is right! The price is right! Cummmmmmmm on dowwwwwwn! Yes! YES, oh GAWWD, YESSSSSSS!" She: "It's quiet again. I think they're done."
She: "Why should I take my camera? You're taking your camera." Me: "It's your vacation. Take it or not -- it doesn't matter." She: "You mean I can do what I want?" Me: "Absolutely." She: "What if I want to take off all my clothes and run naked down the street?" Me: "Hey, I don't
