He: "Happily married guys are a safe bet to practice flirting on." She: "That doesn't seem right, but I'll try it...hey there, big boy!" Married Guy (sputtering, doing his best Golem imitation, stroking his wedding band): "No, I can't...must worship my precious! My precious!!" Me: "So, does your wife bind you in the darkness?" Married
She: "All ready for the party tonight?" Me: "Yes. I got up early this morning, made my bed, and hid the contraband. You know...made the place presentable." She: "Hid the 'deus ex machina' contraband?" Me: "Oh, deus! Oh deus! More, more!" She: "Exactly." Me: "Yes, I hid that from view. Can't have anyone getting scared
Roving Bank Reporter: "So, Tammy, do you have any scary Halloween stories we could put on the Intranet?" Me: "Well...yes, as a matter of fact." R.B.R.: "Great!" Me: "It was last Halloween...we were here late, working like madmen to meet our deadline...we finished a few minutes before midnight and flipped the switch! The Content Management
Dentist: "Hey, what's that?" Me: "Thissss? It'ssss my iPod. Ssheh ssaid I could play myoussic while you worked." Dentist: "Oh, sure. That's no problem. How do you get music on there?" Me: "I ussssse my com-com-compyouter." Dentist: "Really? You just copy the songs off of CD's and put them on there?" Me: "Weell, it'ssss moore
Me: "Excuse me, but did you just call that driver a monkey clucker?" She: "Yeah, it's my thing now." Me: "I like it, I like it." She: "Everyone knows monkeys and chickens are evil. Plus, it's not as harsh as calling someone a mother fucker for cutting you off. " Me: "I don't know about
She: "They're going to cancel the project I've been working on for the past six months. The migration is supposed to happen this weekend!" Me: "Nothing like a last minute panic attack, eh?" She: "I don't know why the Senior Widget's have their panties in a twist. Even Audit is comfortable with this level of
She: "Why would anyone name a cookie Spunkmeyer?" Me: "Maybe it invoked a pleasant memory." She: "Of what, spunk?" Me: "Yes, Meyer's spunk. There's a whole tie-in with milk there, too. Or maybe it's a revered family name." She: "We could do research and find out." Me: "Either way, I'm not sure I want to
She: "Oh great! Now there are two of you I have to contend with!" T1: "That's right! Not one, but two Tammys! Muwahahaha!" T2: "An heir and a spare!" T1: "It's not Tam I Am, it's Tam R Us!" She: "God, get me out of here!"
Me: "They do have baseball in Montana and football, too. All of the niceties." He: "Really? I wouldn't have expected that." Me: "Sure. I even ran into several Red Sox fans." He: "You know it will be Armageddon if there's a Cubs-Red Sox World Series." Me: "Yes. I mentioned that to a Montana Red Sox
(whispering) Me: This church is beautiful! I love the painting on the walls... It's so spiritual. She: Yes, they even list the virtues up there. Me: I'm so glad we aren't sitting over there... right under "chastity." She: They need a "houchie mama" section. Guaranteed it would be jam-packed and the "chastity" section would be
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