Great Friday She: "So, you got plans?" Me: "Yes, I'm going to take up recreational shopping for its therapeutic value. I think I'll start tomorrow." She: "Going to make that Good Friday, Great, huh?" Me: "Yeah, I'm starting with the shoe store across the street." She: "Just remember, Jesus died for your sins, but those
He: "The power of human error is one of the great untapped resources." Me: "Yes, I can envision a day when we will light the eastern seaboard with the power of human ineptitude." He: "It'll be glorious."
Me: "So, how was your weekend?" She: "Pleasantly non-confrontational. Yours?" Me: "Indulgently evil." She: "Bet I had a better time." Me: "I'm sure you did."
He: "I notice you're using the word misogynistic a lot lately." Me: "I used it in one sentence last night." He: "I think it's your boss' influence. She's giving you bad ideas." Me: "I work in a male-dominated field. I'm just calling it like it is. What do you know about it anyway? You and
She: "I feel sorry for plastic." Me: "Huh? Why?" She: "People don't appreciate plastic. Plastic is wonderful." Me: "Guess I never really thought about it." She: "Starting tomorrow, I think you should take the time to appreciate everything plastic in your life." Me: "That'll be hard. I mean, I have a wooden toothbrush." She: "Really?"
Vendor (with tasty British accent): "Hello, I'm Rob with *mumble, mumble*. I need to talk to you about document storage." Me (with fakey British accent): "Would that be paper, electronic, or other?" Vendor: "Paper. Would you be the correct person to talk to?" Me: "No, I would not. I'm a web person. Truly." Vendor: "Truly,
Me: "I got you the print-outs you wanted, picked up the dry cleaning and the other whoshewhatsis." He: "Wow. That's pretty rare, getting a whoshewhatsis." Me: "Treasure it. I don't think I can find another one." He: "What about a whatchamacallit?" Me: "Now you're abusing my generosity."
"When the stress, caffienne and endorphins flee my body in protest over the abuse that I've inflicted and I collapse into a puddle in my cubicle, would you pour me into a nice glass and set me on a window sill until I reform?"
Me: "I'm going to kill them. Killllll.....!" He: "Not me, I prefer to maim. It lasts longer." Me: "That's what stains are for - to make it last."
