Spark Me: "In his e-mail he said there was no je ne sais quoi, but that we could go out again if I wanted to." She: "What does he want, instant spark?" Me: "I wasn't feeling very sparky last night - combination head cold medicine and wine, you know. It would've taken a sensitive spark-o-meter
She B: "So he sends me this picture of him with his pants unzipped and it's wrapping around his undershorts to the back of his butt." She: "And the name of this Lothorio?" She B: "Hung14inches. And I'm not sure why he wrote me, I mean he's in New York!" Me: "It's okay, he can
On Music... She (mezzo soprano): "Born Free! As free as the wind blows! As free as the grass grows!" Me: "Excuse me, but you're not going to start singing, 'They Call the Wind Mariah'? Are you?" She: "What's wrong with 'They Call the Wind Mariah Carey'?" Me: "Same thing that's wrong with 'Mariah Carey on
Eat. Your Vegetables. He: "I have been a vegetable all day...I think I was a cucumber, or perhaps an eggplant." Me: "I once spent a morning as a carrot, but worked past it." He: "Yes, if I a were a carrot, I would work through it, too...but being an a eggplant is a truly unique
Mercer No More My couch arrived this morning, which I'm very excited about. There's no need to have my guests aimlessly milling about in my living room. They now have a place to crash. Whoo-hoo! There is, however, one small problem. Room and Board shipped my furniture with a name attached (a trend they seem
Sighting She: "That guy was totally checking you out." Me: "Was he? It must've been the fuzzy red sweater. Guys like it." She: "No, guys like naked women." Me: "But I'm not naked. I'm wearing a fuzzy red sweater. Are you sure?" She: "Yes. He was tracking you the entire time we were in there.
Regarding Sum 41's Forthcoming Album I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the fact that a corporate rock band has a new album called 'Does This Look Infected?', or that my best friend was watching MTV2. It's like I don't even know her. Anyway, if you're a fan and want to buy this domain and turn
-ist Me: "So I hear they have a cafe at American Girl Place." She: "You didn't know that?" Me: "No, I haven't been into the scene. My boss went, and tells me that they have special seats for the American Girl dollies and serve them dolly portions of whatever you're having." She: "Ah, and do
Inner Whoshewhatsit Yesterday Pirate Alice unveiled the secret her pyschic had urged her to sit on: she's cursed with a demon/spirit that's holding her back and preventing her from having a groovy relationship with guys. She's named this demon Dave, and has been on a quest to reform him since the program proscribed by the
Audience Participation Me: "Since you're constantly journaling, I'm surprised you haven't tried running a blog." He: "I don't know. It seems a awful lot like masturbation to me." Me: "Yes, but it's masturbation with an audience." He: "..." Me: "Guess you're not bent that way." He: "No, I need the virtual curtains to be closed."
